


Master Of My Fate

by WindMeister8



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Dreams, F/M, Mystery, Psychological Trauma, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-11
Updated: 2015-05-26
Packaged: 2018-03-22 10:13:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 12,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3725056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WindMeister8/pseuds/WindMeister8
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When you were 12 years old, your gift was first awakened. Now, you are a working adult with a peculiar sleep disorder. When your "illness" worsens, your doctor recommends you to see a psychologist. Will you be able to finally understand the cause of your "illness"?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Clogs Of Fate

_I look out the window while sipping a cup of hot coffee. Down on the streets below, I see a young boy around my age pass by my house in a red bicycle. He’s wearing a white T-shirt with the words, “I was here,” printed on the front. His black hair is tied in a ponytail. As he passes by, he looks up at me and smiles._

I wake up with a start. 

_That was a weird dream. I don’t even know who that boy is._

I dismiss my dream and go about my daily routine. My mum makes me a cup of hot coffee as usual and I refuse the offer of toast as I always do. I take my cup of hot coffee upstairs and stare out the window. As I stare lazily at the cars zooming past, a red bicycle catches my eye. My eyes widen in shock as I recognize the passenger of the bicycle as the same boy from my dream. The T-shirt was the same, his hair was tied in that same manner, his face was the same. 

But he didn’t look up at me or smile.

At that time, I was 12 years of age, living a perfectly normal life. I was happy.

All of that changed.

With a dream.


	2. The Recommendation

“SHUT UP!”   
“No, you shut up!”   
“KIDS, STOP IT THIS INSTANT!”

The sound of my neighbors’ bickering woke me up instantly. I glanced at my bedside clock.

11AM. _I overslept again._

I checked my old flip phone for any messages from my colleagues and found none. 

_Looks like I don’t need to go in today. My headache is not subsiding though. Guess I’ll pay a visit to Hanji and get more painkillers and maybe I should give that new medicine a try. Hopefully it does the job and prevent dreams like Hanji said it would. I don’t know why I’m trusting that woman._

After throwing on a simple T-shirt and jeans, I walked out of my apartment and waited for the lift. Whoever programmed the motion of the lift had to be some kid fresh out of college. They obviously did not write the code to optimize for people’s waiting time. I saw the floor number go from 3,2,1 and then back up to..

_Floor 5 and it goes back down to ground floor, right?_

5 and then 4,3,2,1. 

_Oh god, I did it again._

Finally, the lift stopped at my floor, the 18th floor. Sometimes I wonder whether I should just take the stairs. I exited my apartment complex and headed towards Hanji’s office. On the way, I decided to grab a cup of coffee from my favorite café. 

“That’ll be $4,” said the cashier.  
“Yeah, and when can I come over to your place later?” I asked.  
“Err, I’m sorry. I don’t even know you?” replied the cashier with a quizzical look on his face.

_Damn, should have known that wasn’t true. I should really just keep my mouth shut like always. Must have been too tired to have a slip of tongue._

“Sorry, my bad. I was thinking of something else,” I replied, trying to diffuse his suspicion.

Armed with my cup of coffee, I walked over to Hanji’s clinic. The nurse recognized me and asked me to wait a moment while she got Hanji.

“Mummy, she’s scary. I don’t want an injection,” a child wailed from inside Hanji’s office.

_Poor kid. I hope Hanji doesn’t do anything funny to her._

After a while, the mum and daughter appeared from the office. They seemed fine, so Hanji must have done a proper job. “Ms (F/N) (L/N), you can go in now,” said the nurse.

I nodded and entered Hanji’s office. It was still a mess like always. How does she find anything in this clutter?

“(F/N)! My favorite patient! And what may I do for you today?” said Hanji with a big grin on her face.  
“The usual. Painkillers and can I try out that new medicine you were talking about last time? My condition’s getting worse,” I replied.  
Hanji’s face turned serious. “(F/N), I think..”  
“..that I should get help from a psychologist and that the person is right behind the door,” I interrupted Hanji.

“No..”, Hanji said slowly. “I can see your condition is no longer within my jurisdiction though. And yes, I think you should get help from a psychologist. But no, he’s not behind the door.”

“I don’t need a psychologist,” I snapped.  
“Then no painkillers for you,” Hanji retorted.  
“I can get it somewhere else,” I replied.  
“You know nobody in their right mind would give you that amount and that particular brand,” said Hanji.

I contemplated it for a while. It looked like I didn’t have a choice. I might as well just give it a shot.

“Fine, who the hell is this psychologist,” I asked.

“Oh he’s a good psychologist, don’t you worry. A bit eccentric though.”

“His name is Levi Ackerman.”


	3. First Impressions

So here I was, sitting in the waiting area of Ackerman Psychological Clinic.

_Great, I’m actually going to see a shrink. As if I had nothing better to do. By now, I should be at home, reading some of my precious novels or watching rental DVDs. But no, that damn Hanji had to set up an appointment immediately and literally drag me all the way here. Doesn’t she have other patients to see? Oh well, since I’m here, might as well see what other kind of sickos come to see shrinks._

I scrutinized the people around me. A middle-aged lady was sitting across from me, mumbling to herself. She resembled a scared puppy but at times, her whole appearance transformed into that of a mafia boss. Probably suffering from multiple personality disorder. A young man stood with his back against the wall, staring into vacant space with an unnatural grin plastered on his face. I shuddered, not wanting to ponder what he could possibly be thinking about. Finally, a father and his young daughter was sitting on the couch beside me. The kid was extremely emaciated and pale. The father was trying to coax his daughter into eating a small piece of chocolate but she simply looked away. He caught me looking at him and gave a small smile. 

I smiled back and glanced away. Somehow his actions had caused my headache to return. At the same time, something nagged at my brain but I couldn’t figure out what it was. Before I could make sense of what was happening, my name was called.

“Ms (F/N) (L/N), the doctor will see you now,” said Dr. Ackerman’s secretary.

I got up and followed the secretary to a room down the hallway. The first thing I noticed when I entered the room was the smell of tea. The second thing I noticed was a large curtain in the middle of the room. But no Dr. Ackerman to be seen.

“Ms (L/N), I’m Dr. Levi Ackerman.”, a voice startled me.

I turned to my left and realized there was a silhouette behind the curtain. That must be where Dr. Ackerman was.

“I apologize for not showing myself to you. Unfortunately, I find it unproductive when I have a session with a patient face-to-face. They easily get distracted by my appearance,” said Dr. Ackerman.  
“Uhh, okay?” I replied. 

_So is he unbelievably handsome or unbelievably ugly? Whichever the case, I think *he* is the one in need of therapy then._

“Please lie down on the couch in front of you,” Dr. Ackerman said. Or commanded.

“Umm, for personal reasons, I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to be in a lying down position. I’d be better sitting up,” I said as I sat down on the couch.

“Tch, whatever works for you then,” replied Dr. Ackerman.

_Boy does he sound grumpy. And he’s a psychologist?_

“So, Dr. Zoe told me about your condition. Could you tell me about your sleeping patterns?”

“Right. I don’t really have a fixed pattern. Because of my work, you see. So I normally sleep really late at night, between 2am to 6am. And I wake up after 4-5 hours.”

“And you always have serious headaches after waking up, am I right?”

“Yes.”

“So are you a light or heavy sleeper?”

“Light.”

“How’s your sexual activity?”

“What?”

“Just answer the question.”

“….None.”

“Tch, so no man wants you.”

I was seriously getting annoyed now. Hanji mentioned that he was eccentric. She obviously forgot to mention extremely rude. If it weren’t for the fact that I needed those painkillers, I would have ripped away those curtains and scolded him to his face.

“So you sleep late *everyday* because of work. Are you trying to work yourself to death or because you dread sleeping?”

I visibly started. _How did he know that? Wait, it must be a common symptom I guess._

“NO Dr. Ackerman. I do work late into the night because I love my work.”

“Ok, so basically you have no social life.”

I gritted my teeth. He was really pushing it.

“Well, I take that as a yes. For now, I’m going to prescribe happy pills and some of your normal painkillers to you. Tonight, I want you to sleep early, put on some soothing music like Mozart or something and think of happy thoughts before you doze off. Tomorrow, you’ll come back at this hour and report to me about how you felt after you woke up.”

“Wait, why?”

“I’m trying to get you back on a normal sleep schedule. That should help with the headaches.”

“Err, okay. Thank you, Dr. Ackerman.”

I left the room feeling puzzled and irritated. Still, I decided to give it a try. 

**Levi’s POV:**

(F/N) (L/N) was an interesting case. Shitty glasses had mentioned or rather rambled about her being able to read people’s minds or something. That didn’t really seem to be the case here according to my professional and personal experience. Somehow her dreams or nightmares seemed to be haunting her. That would explain her light sleeping, obsession with work, and perhaps lack of social life. All the same symptoms that I was in fact experiencing, although her case was definitely more extreme. I was looking forward to see her results tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I'm not saying that people who go to see psychologists are sickos. I only wish to convey Reader-chan's feelings of not wanting to view herself as being "sick". I hope I do not hurt anyone by my use of words and if I inadvertently did, I apologize in advance as that was not my intention.


	4. Chink In The Armor

Bzzzzzt! I hit the alarm clock button just as it went off.

I rubbed my eyes and stretched, a small smile etched on my lips. It was the first time in months that I had gotten up early. Humming softly, I got dressed and went to work.

* * *

“Annie,” I greeted the young blonde woman with blue eyes in our shared office cubicle.  
“(F/N),” Annie responded.

“Why if it isn’t my two favorite unsociable ladies,” a tall man with ash-brown hair entered our office with a smirk on his face.

“Shut up, Jean,” I retorted.  
“She speaks!! Holy cow!!” Jean exclaimed with an exaggerated expression of shock.

_I think he meant “Holy horse” but I wasn’t going to incite a conversation or argument with the hot-headed, arrogant guy who was now running around telling others that it was a miracle that I spoke today. Not like anyone was paying attention to him._

“You’re in a good mood,” Annie studied me.  
“Hmm, had a good night’s sleep for once,” I replied.  
“Good for you,” Annie smiled.  
“Thanks,” I smiled back.

We then lapsed into silence, working quietly with only the sound of clacking keys filling the room. It was a comfortable silence that both of us enjoyed. Annie and I had a friendship of sorts that was mostly non-verbal. We barely knew much about each other but somehow we could understand how the other felt just by looking. Jean, on the other hand, always tried to lure us into conversation and hardly ever succeeded. I knew he had good intentions but it was difficult for me and Annie to open up. I glanced at Annie. I didn’t know what her reasons were but I understood her need to be distant.

The day passed by quietly and after work, I headed for Ackerman Psychological Clinic for my appointment.

* * *

“Good evening, Ms (L/N),” greeted Dr. Ackerman.  
“Good evening, Dr. Ackerman.”

“So how was your sleep yesterday?”

“It was pretty good actually. I had 6 and a half hours sleep.”

“That’s an improvement. Were you having a light sleep?”

“Hmm..it was still pretty light.”

“Any dreams during your sleep?”

I hesitated, unsure of how much detail I should get into.

_But then again, it’s not like he would know that my dreams are…._

“Oi, are you listening?” Dr. Ackerman’s voice jolted me back.

“Yeah yeah I did have some dreams,” I replied, getting a bit irritated. If not for the fact that his advice had helped, I wouldn’t be sitting here and taking all this nonsense.

“So describe your dreams.”

I took a deep breath.

“Well, I dreamt that I went to work as usual and one of my coworkers was talking crap like he always does. Then, I went back home,” I replied.

“Tch. Even in your dreams, it’s all about work.”

I clenched my fists, willing myself to stay seated. Then I remembered the last part of my dream.

“Oh right, when I was walking back, I met this girl, Pa..pa….. Right, Patricia,” I struggled to remember the name.

There was a moment of awkward silence.

“… Describe this girl,” Dr. Ackerman said abruptly.

“Umm ok…she had light ginger hair and hmm.. I think amber colored eyes,” I recalled.

Another long pause.

“Get out.” 

“I’m sorry?”

“I SAID GET OUT!”

I was taken aback at the sudden outburst. But I had had enough of this pompous bastard.

“You know, I’ve had it with you. You criticize and mock me but you know what? You’re exactly the same! You don’t have a social life either, do you? No woman wants you too, right? Yeah, why would they. With that kind of attitude, how could anyone be happy with you???” I hurled back the same insults he had thrown at me.

I stomped towards the door and flung it open. I was a few steps out the door when I heard a stifled sob. I froze and slowly turned around. I listened carefully and I heard it again. 

_Dr. Ackerman was sobbing._


	5. History

**Levi’s POV:**

I buzzed my secretary to let the next patient in.

“Your next patient will be Ms. (L/N), Dr. Ackerman.”

I hesitated. I thought after yesterday’s events, she wouldn’t come again. When she had described the girl in her dreams, I knew that it couldn’t be a coincidence. That name, that hair, and that eyes. It could only be Petra. She couldn’t have known about Petra. Shitty glasses was mistaken. This wasn’t the case of mind reading. This had to do with her dreams. And I was going to find out why and how.

“Good evening, Ms (L/N),” I said in my usual monotone voice.  
“Umm, good evening, Dr. Ackerman. I err, wanted to apologize for yesterday – “

“Apology not accepted,” I interrupted her.

“What?”

“I don’t accept your apology. If you want to make up for what you said yesterday, I suggest you come clean with me and tell me about your dreams.”

Silence greeted me. She definitely wasn’t expecting this.

“Your dreams have the ability to foretell the future and… maybe the past, don’t they? However, they don’t seem to be very accurate. Am I right?” I enquired.

After a while, she sighed and gave a slight nod. “Yes,” she replied in a tired voice.

“Good. Now this session is finally making some headway. Tell me from the beginning about how these dreams started and don’t miss out any detail,” I leaned back in my chair.

“You… really want to know everything?” she asked.

“Yes, I thought I made myself clear about that,” I retorted.

I heard her grumble a little before beginning.

“Fine. It started when I was, I think, 12 years old. I had this dream about a boy whom I didn’t know cycling past my house. In my dream, he looked up and smiled at me. The next day, the same boy was cycling past but he didn’t look up.”

She continued, “I thought nothing of it but after a while, I had frequent bouts of deja-vu. You know, when you’re doing something or saying something, and you feel like you’ve gone through that before?”

“Yes, I know what the meaning of deja-vu is,” I replied.

She hissed under her breath. “Right, but a lot of people have that so I thought it must be pretty common. But then, I started having dreams about the material taught in class and the next day, the exact same material was covered. Again, it could have been a coincidence. I also had dreams about the guys whom I had a crush on, like my interactions with them. Some of that came true, some didn’t.”

“And this was in high school, I presume?” I interrupted her.

“Yes. Then in college, the dreams were more frequent and in more detail. Sometimes I was in a totally different world.. I guess that was a *real* dream.”

“Ok so your dreams are always related to the people that you interact with, am I right?” I questioned her.

“Hmm.. yes, I guess you can say that.”

I tapped my pen on my clipboard for a while, thinking about the implications of what I had learnt from her. I wanted to test the power of her dreams as well as how it worked. She wasn’t continuing, although I knew that surely couldn’t be the end of her dreams. There was still something she wasn’t telling but from experience, it wouldn’t be easy to dig that out from her. What I could do though was to try and figure out how to control the dreams and hopefully, that would also help her enter deep sleep.

“Ms (L/N), I want you to take a day off work and for a whole day, not interact with anyone at all. Then come back the next day and we’ll take it from there.”

“Ok. I’m off the day after tomorrow,” she replied.

“That works.”

“Thank you, Dr. Ackerman,” she said as she got up.

When she reached the door, she hesitated and turned towards me. 

“I… I just wanted to say sorry and… that I understand the feeling of losing someone. So,… I’m sorry.”

She quickly left the room.

So she never heard me mutter a small “Tch.”


	6. Opening Pandora's Box

“(F/N). (F/N)!” Annie’s voice startled me.

“Are you ok? You’ve been a bit out of it today,” she looked at me with concern.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I said unconvincingly.  
“Ok,” Annie replied, not wanting to press the matter.  
“Annie?” I said hesitantly.  
“Yeah?”  
“How do you know.. whether you’re… in.. in love with someone?” 

She looked at me in surprise. “Well, I can’t say for certain. I guess.. it’s when you really like him for who he is and can accept everything about him. But then again, I’m probably the wrong person to ask.”

“But I hate that prick and his snobbish attitude. It can’t be..” I muttered to myself.

Annie raised an eyebrow. “Don’t tell me it’s Jean.”

I almost fell out of my chair in shock. “No way in hell! No no. It’s just someone else. No, just pretend I never asked that question. Just no,” I waved her away.

She chuckled, “Sure, (F/N).”

* * *

“So, Ms (L/N), how was your sleep yesterday and did you have any dreams?”

“Oi, answer my question,” Dr. Ackerman snapped his fingers after receiving no answer.

“Oh.. umm sorry, I was just.. thinking,” I replied.

“About your wet dreams?”

“No, unlike guys who think about sex three times a day, I’m a decent human being who has much better things to think about,” I snapped.

“I can see that you’re warming up to me. And while that is a statistical fact, not all guys are like that,” Dr. Ackerman replied with what seemed like a chuckle.

“Right, so you’re saying you’re less of a jerk then. Glad to know,” I replied sarcastically.

“Then, what did you dream about?”

“I’d really rather not say,” I said uncomfortably.

“I’m here to help you, Ms (L/N). Let me do my job. Nothing you say is going to surprise me or make me laugh at you, if that’s what you’re concerned about,” he said. I thought I heard a tinge of concern there but I must be imagining it.

“Well.….. it had..something about you,” I said slowly.

“Out with it.”

I glared at his silhouette through the curtain. “Fine, apparently, in my dream, I was in love with you, ok??”

**Levi’s POV:**

That shocked me.

Both scientifically and.. well, personally.

She muttered to herself, “Why in the world would I be in love with this arrogant jerk? Are you playing around with me, God? Even if he’s the last man on Earth, I still wouldn’t want him.”

I cleared my throat, “Well, this arrogant jerk wants to know in more detail what your dream was about.”

“Oh, I’m sorry you had to hear that. I just want it to be clear that I don’t feel that way towards you, no matter what the dream said. As you said before, it can be pretty inaccurate,” she tried to cover up her harsh words.

“That’s ok. It is of course better if we keep a professional distance,” I replied evenly, although I was a little hurt by her words. But I also knew that it was better for someone like me not to get too emotionally attached.

**Reader’s POV:**

For some reason, I thought I detected a hint of sadness in Dr. Ackerman’s voice. Maybe there was something behind that cool and detached façade, some pain that he harbored and tried to keep under wraps.

“So how was I portrayed in your dream? Like my appearance, mannerisms, etc,” Dr. Ackerman’s voice brought me back to reality.

“Oh umm.. so the thing is I couldn’t see you. It’s kinda like the silhouette that I’m seeing now. There weren’t too many details in the dream, but by the time I woke up, I could still feel this strong feeling of love. Or at least that’s what I think the feeling was,” I recounted.

I waited as Dr. Ackerman tapped his pen on the clipboard he was holding.

“Right, let’s get to know each other better,” he said after a short while.

“What.. I mean why?”

“I want to test the amount of detail that your dream can construct based on your knowledge about me,” he replied.

“Hmm, I see. I never thought about that. So how are we going to start?” I answered curiously.

“Well, I’ll start off. I like to drink tea, listen to music, read novels, watch movies occasionally and I am very particular about cleanliness. You next.”

“Ok. I read novels and watch movies as well. I listen to music most of the time because it helps me work and I like singing to the lyrics of a song.”

“Tch, this feels more like Q&A. Let’s pretend that we’re acquaintances that are trying to find out more about each other. So what kind of movies and novels do you prefer?”

I laughed. “Yeah, that was pretty awkward. Umm.. so I’m not into the romance and horror genre. Mostly, I prefer mystery, crime, thrillers, action and stuff.”

“So I’m guessing 50 Shades Of Grey is not on your reading list,” Dr. Ackerman snickered.

“No, absolutely not! I seriously have no idea why women read that,” I said with disgust.

“How about you, Dr. Ackerman?” I asked.

“Let’s not be so formal, (F/N). We’re supposed to be acquaintances. So just call me Levi.”

“Oh right, how about you, Levi?”

“Same as you, I guess. Romance bores me. It’s the typical fall in love, fight, make up cycle. I could write 100 romance novels in one day if I wanted,” he snorts.

I laughed at his candid break-down of typical romance novels. It was exactly my opinion on that genre. “Oh if you like thrillers and stuff, do you like the author Matthew Reilly?” I gave the name of my favorite author.

“Ah, him? The one who wrote Contest? I wanted that novel to be made into a movie. Tch, too bad they didn’t.”

“I know right? I could totally imagine the whole movie… “

**Levi’s POV:**

We continued talking about our interests for the whole session until we completely forgot the time. My secretary had to buzz me to remind me of the next appointment. It was interesting seeing (F/N) open up to me. As soon as we found something that we had in common, it was like opening up the Pandora’s box. She was suddenly full of life, completely different from her typical self. I liked seeing this part of her and found myself wanting to know more.


	7. Reversing Roles

Yesterday’s session was so interesting. I didn’t even know that time had passed by so quickly. There were just so many things to talk about. It was so fun to discuss our favorite novels or movies. Levi had the same opinions as me but he gave so many more suggestions and critiques. It amazed me how much he knew about the crime and mystery genre. He was a really interesting person beyond that snobbish attitude. And he actually had a good sense of humor! 

_Maybe I should ask him about how he acquired so much in-depth knowledge about crimes._

I entered Levi’s office, inhaling the comforting scent of tea.

“Good evening, Levi,” I greeted him.  
“Good evening, (F/N). How was your sleep yesterday?”

“Good. I actually dreamt that I was in the world of Contest! And oh my god, it was so exciting and – “

“Wait, (F/N). So you didn’t have any dreams about the real world?” Levi interrupted.

“Err.. no, I don’t think so,” I replied, a bit dejected that I didn’t finish my story.

“Tch, so the interaction we had didn’t have any bearing on your dreams,” Levi replied, tapping his pen on the clipboard.

I slapped my forehead. “Oh right. Yeah.. I suppose that’s true. What now?” 

Levi thought for a while and said, “Let’s try a different tactic. Why don’t you ask me questions about myself that you’re interested in knowing?”

“Uh huh, sure I guess. Hmm… oh right, how is it that you know so much detail about crimes? Is there a book for dummies or something that you read? Coz I would love to have that book.”

Silence greeted me. “Levi?” 

“I used to be a detective before I switched to being a psychologist.”

“What… really??! Oh my god, that’s amazing! But umm.. why the switch? If you don’t mind my asking,” I said tentatively.

Levi sucked in his breath. “No, it’s totally fine if you don’t answer,” I said quickly.

“It’s alright, (F/N). A few years ago, I lost my partner during an attempt to arrest a criminal. After that, I sometimes had nervous breakdowns when I was in the field. Since I was no longer mentally fit for duty, I decided to quit,” Levi replied in his monotone voice.

I was speechless. I didn’t know what to say except mumble, “I…. Sorry… I shouldn’t..”

“It’s all in the past. I’ve moved on,” Levi said quietly.

Suddenly, something clicked in my brain. “It couldn’t be… that girl… Patricia?” I whispered.

Levi sighed. “You might as well know. But yes, my partner was Petra, that girl in your dream. You got the name wrong though.”

My eyes widened in shock. Tears started rolling down my cheek as I realized that I had inadvertently opened up his wound. “Levi, I…. I’m so… sorry,” I sobbed.

“Tch, why are *you* crying? I hate seeing girls cry. You’re going to mess up the couch. There’s a box of tissue papers on your right,” Levi scolded, albeit in a caring manner.

“No, it’s just that… I must have hurt you by bringing up memories that you wanted to forget,” I said as I blew into a piece of tissue.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. It hurts more when you think about the people you lost,” I continued.

“Well, on the contrary, I think it’s best to remember all the happy moments,” Levi said calmly.

“Doesn’t that make it worse?”

“No, the only thing you’ll regret is when you realize you can’t even remember them. That’s when you actually lose them forever.” Levi’s voice softens ever so slightly.

Suddenly, I was able to see Levi for what he was. He was like me, wounded beyond repair. We were both trying to distance ourselves from others, just in different ways. Me, by not communicating, and him, by being cold and detached. For some reason, I had the overwhelming urge to comfort him.

“Then, why don’t you tell me more about her?” I said softly.

“Tch, when did you become the psychologist?” Levi retorted.

“Since you asked me to be the one asking questions,” I laughed slightly.

“You’re good. Fine… Petra was… the kindest person I knew. She couldn’t even hurt an ant. I still have no idea how she ended up on that career path… “

I listened to Levi as he talked about the good times he shared with Petra and I could hear the love and misery in his voice. I knew that no one could replace the void in his heart that was left by Petra, but I wished I could at least help patch it up.

Soon, the session came to an end. As I got up to take my leave, Levi called out to me, “(F/N).”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for today.”

I smiled. “No, thank *you*, Levi.”

“Why?” he said, puzzled by my words.

“For making my life more gratifying.”


	8. Field Test

Jean popped his head into my office, “Yo, (F/N)! Is it just me or do you actually look happier than usual?”  
“Why, Jean? I can’t be happy?” I retorted.  
“Wow, you ARE happier,” he remarked.  
“It’s her new boyfriend,” Annie added.  
“Annie! I don’t have a boyfriend,” I denied.  
“OMG (F/N) HAS A BOYFRIEND!!!” Jean exclaimed.  
“Jean – “

Jean was already out the door, jumping up and down like a maniac and spreading the news of my non-existent “boyfriend”. I sighed. “Annie, why did you say that?”

“Because it’s true.”  
“No, it’s not.”  
“Whatever you say, (F/N).”

_It is true that I am indeed happier but I don’t think of Levi in that way. Besides, it’s not like he has shown any feelings towards me. Wait, maybe he sort of has. He did open up a little yesterday. No no wait, why am I even thinking about that? (F/N), get it together._

I shook my head to rid myself of these complex thoughts. But as I went back to work, I couldn’t shake off the foreign emotions that invaded my body…

After a long day’s work, I waved goodbye to Annie and started walking towards Levi’s clinic. For some reason, I was feeling nervous, anxious, and maybe a little nauseous as well. It was like the feeling I had on my first day of school. 

_What’s so different about this time anyway?_ I thought as I entered Levi’s office.

“Good evening, (F/N).”  
“Good evening, Levi.”

“So how was yesterday’s sleep?” Levi got right to the point.  
“Good. I got 7 and a half hours of sleep this time.”  
“Any dreams?”  
“Yeah, yesterday’s session worked out well, I think. I dreamt about you and me in this room and you told me you liked dark rock like Evanescence. Then, you cut the session short because you had to visit Hanji.”

“Hmm…… I see. You got the choice of music correct. And I am cutting this session short. But not because I’m going to visit shitty glasses.”

“I’m taking you out for a field test,” Levi continued.

“What?”

**Levi’s POV:**

Based on the results of the past few sessions and what (F/N) had told me just now, I had surmised that her dreams are not affected by the interactions, but rather the connection with the person. The deeper the connection, the more vivid and accurate her dreams were about said person. I was pleased that her dream about me was decently accurate. It meant that she had some amount of feelings toward me. I had suggested taking her out for two reasons. One, what she had said yesterday really made me realize how empty and dull her life was. I wanted to change that. Two, I wanted to deepen my connection with her…. for personal and professional reasons.

**Reader’s POV:**

I was still confused as to what Levi meant by “field test”. I was about to ask him that when the curtain that always separated the two of us was suddenly pulled open. 

Words could not express how I felt at that moment. I had never tried imagining how Levi looked, but it would definitely not be this. He was wearing a simple V-neck T-shirt and jeans. His jet black hair was styled in an undercut and his intimidating grey eyes had dark circles under them. Most prominent though was the deep vertical scar that stretched from his forehead and stopped at his cheek… as well as the fact that the eye underneath the scar was white and glazed over. Even though he was shorter than the average man’s height, he exuded an air of confidence. Overall, he was exceedingly attractive and although most people would be scared or put off by the eye and scar, I found it to be… well, manly.

“Oi, cat got your tongue?” Levi broke the silence.  
“Oh umm.. it’s just that… well, I thought it’s not very… professional to be wearing a T-shirt and jeans,” I replied quickly.  
“Tch, it’s not like the patients are going to see me. If you were actually wondering about this..” he gestured to the scar on his eye. “I got it when I was fighting a criminal.”  
“Ah I see,” I replied, taking a step closer to look at the scar.  
“And this is why I have a curtain,” Levi remarked, flicking my forehead as he walked out of the room.  
“Levi! I’m not a kid!” I complained as I ran to catch up with him.

* * *

“So what are we doing this for again?” I asked as we walked towards the center of town which was already bustling with night life.  
“Because I want to test how much detail you can construct about me in your dream in a typical environment instead of an empty room,” Levi replied.  
“Ohhh. I see.” That sounded pretty reasonable. “So where are we going?” I asked.  
“Dinner. Obviously.”

Dinner was amazing. The food was the best I had tasted in a long time, and the company was even better. We talked about music and hifi systems. I was planning on simply getting any turntable but Levi suggested I buy the Rega one. Damn, the man had high tastes. Soon, it was time to get the bill, which Levi insisted on footing for. When we were leaving the restaurant, a shrill voice called from a distance, “(F/N)!! Levi!!”

We both turned to see Hanji running towards us. Levi sighed in exasperation.

“Wow, fancy meeting the two of you here! I didn’t know you guys had hooked up,” Hanji said with a big grin on her face.  
I started to blush and tried to deny it. Levi, on the other hand, glared at Hanji. “What the hell are you doing here, shitty glasses?”  
“Well, I was on my way to the club. But seeing that you guys are not together, why don’t you join me, (F/N)? We can hook up with guys and enjoy a wonderful night,” Hanji said with a scary glint in her eyes.

I was about to decline her invitation when Levi took me by the arm and pulled me away from Hanji.  
“She’s not hooking up with any guys,” he growled.  
“Aww Levi, don’t be so overprotective of (F/N). Hey, where are you going?” Hanji called.

Levi was still holding my arm as he dragged me farther away from Hanji. His touch felt comforting and protective and I felt myself wanting for more physical contact.

_Wait, what? What in the world am I thinking? But really, what he said just now… did it mean that.._

“Ok, we’re here,” Levi’s voice broke my train of thought.

* * *

Five minutes later, we were in a room with Levi flipping through the list of songs. I was feeling nervous, this being my first time doing Karaoke. I did sing, but only in front of my computer and when I was *alone*.

“Christina Perri. A Thousand Years. You know the song right?”  
“Huh yeah… but… “ I replied hesitantly.  
“Don’t worry. I won’t laugh even if you’re totally tone deaf.”

“Just try it,” he said, gently this time.  
I took a deep breath. “Okay. But don’t laugh,” I warned him. Levi nodded.

**Heart beats fast, colors and promises. How to be brave?** I started singing, my voice a bit shaky.  
After a while, I totally forgot that Levi was there and sang louder, in my normal voice. Once the song was over, I sighed with satisfaction.

“That was pretty good actually,” Levi smiled.  
“Really?”  
“Yeah, why don’t you choose some more to sing?”  
“Ok sure.”

I flipped through the listing and chose my next song, Nickelback’s “Far Away”. Levi raised his eyebrow at my choice. I cleared my throat and started singing, my voice suddenly deeper and hoarse. When I finished singing, I turned to Levi.

“How was that?”  
“If I closed my eyes, I wouldn’t know that it was the same person singing Christina Perri five minutes ago. You like imitating people’s voices huh.”  
“Yeah, it’s really fun! Let me show you some different voices,” I winked at him.  
“Tch, fine, blow me away,” Levi smirked.

For 20 minutes straight, I sang and sang and sang. From Celine Dion to Britney Spears to Evanescence to Linkin Park and Skillet. My final rendition of Jonas Brothers song “When You Look Me In The Eye” made Levi burst into laughter. 

“I’m done,” I flopped onto the couch, panting after all those songs.  
“That was amazing. How could you sound so squeaky??” Levi chuckled.  
“Yeah, that was my talent show. Now… how about you show me your skills?” I teased him.  
“Tch, no.”  
“But isn’t this supposed to be an experiment? I’m supposed to dream about you, not me,” I retorted.

After a moment’s hesitation, Levi got up and chose a song.  
“Just one then.”

I settled back into the couch, excited to see Levi singing.

**(AU Note: Watch Levi sing and dance[here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SHW1ZbYwV0) )**

I was immediately drawn in by his low and sultry voice. Once he started moving, I felt the heat rush to my face, especially when he did those pelvic thrusts. 

“So how was that, (F/N)? Enough material for your dreams?” he said mockingly.  
“Err yeah, I believe so,” I said, trying my hardest not to blush.  
“Oh well, time to get back. It’s late,” Levi glanced at his watch.  
“Right,” I replied, a little disappointed that the field test was coming to an end.

* * *

As I lay in my bed, I replayed the night’s events in my head. Happiness bubbled up inside me when I remembered Levi’s hand on my arm, his smile, and his laughter. Soon, I started to drift off to sleep….

(5 minutes later)

I woke up with a start, my whole body drenched in sweat. I was frightened but I didn’t even know why. My mind refused to let me go back to sleep. 

_What should I do? Someone, help me._

_Levi…_

I reached for my cell phone and dialed Levi’s number.

“Levi… I need help… now… please,” I sobbed into the phone.


	9. The Veiled Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **(AU Note: For maximum effect, listen to[this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0k7OFU5hZA))**

**Levi’s POV:**

After receiving (F/N)’s call, I rushed over to her apartment. I knew that we were reaching the crux of her problems, the reason behind her inability to reach deep sleep. However, instead of feeling euphoric over the impending revelation, I found myself gripping the steering wheel with anxiety. Whatever the origin of her predicament, it would bring her misery and pain. I wanted so badly to be the one to take her in my arms and comfort her but I mustn’t. I… shouldn’t.

(F/N) opened the door as soon as I knocked and I was taken aback by her appearance. She didn’t look anything like the woman I had seen a couple of hours ago. Her face was ashen, her eyes were red and puffy, and she looked like she had lost 5 pounds running a marathon. 

“I’m sorry for calling you this late at night, Levi,” she said while ushering me into her apartment.  
“It’s ok, (F/N). Are you – “  
“Do you want some hot chocolate or coffee? I think I have some tea – “  
“(F/N).”  
“Sorry. I just wanted some company,” she tried to muster a smile.

I walked over to her and gripped her shoulders protectively. “Let me help you,” I said softly, my eyes imploring her. After a moment’s hesitation, her shoulders slumped in defeat and she whispered a soft “Alright”. I steered her to the couch in the living room and asked her to lie down. 

Once she was somewhat comfortable, I proceeded to explain my hypothesis, “(F/N), from what you’ve told me, it’s likely that you have been experiencing mental block. Your mind has specifically repressed certain memories, possibly in connection with your dreams during deep sleep.”

Taking a deep breath, I continued, “So I need you to recollect those memories.”  
She looked at me with trepidation, her hands clutching the edge of the couch.  
“I’m going to hypnotize you, ok? Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,” I squeezed her arm in reassurance.  
She swallowed in fear and nodded her head slightly.

I took out my scuffed pocket watch and lightly ran my fingers over its rough surface. It was the only keepsake I had of Petra and it reminded me of the promise I had made to myself so many years ago when I held her limp and lifeless body in my hands. I looked at (F/N), her mouth now set in a determined line, and her eyes bored into mine, giving me her full trust. Her will power and inner strength was phenomenal, reminding me once again of Petra. 

_I would not let her be the second Petra, no matter the cost._

Slowly, I let my pocket watch dangle and lightly set it in an oscillating pattern.  
“Listen to my voice and let your eyes follow the pocket watch. You are getting drowsy and your eyes are feeling heavy…” 

Her eyes slowly closed with a vibratory motion, and her breathing became slow and deep. Now that she was in a hypnotic trance, I began the process of taking her back to the past. This was always the difficult part, bringing out a person’s subconscious and challenging it to a duel. For a subconscious could be thought of as the guard protecting the person’s mental sanity. In this case, (F/N)’s subconscious would be fighting to keep her memories under lock and key. And I had the unenviable job of breaking that lock.

I took a deep breath. “I’m going to bring you back to the last time you entered deep sleep. Do you remember when that was?”

“Yes…. It was when I was in my second year of college.”  
“What was your dream about?”

(F/N) began to whimper slightly, beads of sweat forming on her forehead. 

“(F/N), tell me about your dream,” I reasserted gently.

“No…. I… killed them. I killed them. Killed… “ (F/N) began to thrash around wildly.

“Easy, (F/N). Easy. Stay with me,” I tried to calm her down.  
“Go back. Take it slowly and walk me through what happened. Who was in your dream?”

“My…. parents.”

“What happened to your parents in the dream?”

“Snakes…. All around their legs, curling and twisting…” she said as a shiver ran down her spine.

“And the snakes killed them?” I asked.

“No.”

“How did your parents die?”

“A… car accident.”

That puzzled me. Typically, her dreams were pretty precise but this time, it didn’t have any connection with reality and how was her parents’ death her fault?

“What happened after that, (F/N)?”

“They were coming to visit me the next day… and after I had that dream, I called them. I knew something bad was going to happen and I told them about my dream. But…. they didn’t believe me. And… and then…. then…” she started sobbing, tears wracking her little frame.

“I heard the crash,” she whispered in a soft voice, barely loud enough for me to catch her words.

I was momentarily stunned. But before I could ask her any further, she continued.

“I killed my parents. I killed my best friend. Why… why give me this curse?” her voice now filled with resentment.

“(F/N), what happened with your friend?”

“I.. had the same snake dream… this time about her. I called her and when she picked up the call… she was crossing the road. Then, a car knocked her down.”

“It was my fault. Even the police thought so too. They were right…. I’m a dark star.” A tear rolled down her cheek as she said that.

Then, it hit me. A few years back, when I was still working in the force, there was a sensational case among law enforcement. Police had discovered that two cases – a car accident involving a husband and wife, and a hit and run case involving a college-bound girl – were very similar. In both cases, the victims were on the phone a few seconds before their death. Secondly, the victims were all connected to a single person: the daughter of the couple. And finally, the call that they had received were both from that daughter. It was certainly too coincidental and police had followed up by taking the daughter in for questioning. I remembered hearing that the daughter was too emotionally distraught and after interrogating her for a few days, police had released her due to lack of evidence.

And that daughter was now in front of me. It all made sense now, her inability to enter deep sleep, and her lack of social life. But…

“It’s not your fault, (F/N). Your parents died because the driver of a truck fell asleep at the wheel. Your friend died because an irresponsible driver ran the red light. It had nothing to do with your call, or your dream.”

I paused and hesitantly took her hand in mine. “Our fate… is not decided by just ourselves. But by the people around us,” I said quietly, the words directed not only to her but to myself as well.

“You’re not a dark star, (F/N),” I told her firmly, gripping her hand tighter.

I surprised myself by saying, “From now on, you have me. I’ll be the only one you’ll see in your dreams and I swear you won’t have that same dream again. Because I don’t die that easily.”

A smile crossed (F/N)’s lips and her fingers wrapped around my hand in response.

_This much should be ok, right?_


	10. The Descent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **(AU Note: For maximum effect, please listen to[this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQucihlhCPs))**

“Why not, Levi?” I cried, my eyes searching his face for an answer.  
“We just can’t, (F/N),” Levi replied tiredly.

It had been 3 months since that incident, 3 months of deep peaceful sleep, and 3 blissful months of living together with Levi. I loved every second of our “not dating, strictly professional” relationship but why is it that humans are never satisfied? I started wanting more of him, I wanted him to be mine alone. So far, I had kept my selfish desires to myself, not wanting to ruin the status quo. But today was different. I was more desperate because I had the feeling that he was going to leave me, that his heart and soul was still stuck in the past.

“Is it because of Petra?” I asked Levi bitterly.  
Levi looked up in surprise but his voice betrayed no sign of emotion, “Did you have some dream?”  
I kept quiet.  
“(F/N), I… can’t get emotionally involved with anyone… including you,” his stormy grey eyes bore into mine, trying to make me understand his situation.

But I could no longer hear his words, anxiety taking over my entire body as I desperately tried to push back the feelings of abandonment that was threatening to well up once again. I had to get away, calm down my turbulent emotions and… figure something out. Tears began forming but I bit them back.

“Levi, I’m leaving the house for a while. Don’t follow me,” I put on my tough voice. Before he could reply, I was already out the door, tears streaming down my face as I left the place I learnt to call home.

* * *

I was walking around aimlessly on the streets, ignoring the stares that were thrown at me. My sobs had subsided and I was starting to feel more in control of myself. I wiped away the last of my tears, my mind now clear.

From Levi’s last words, I realized that there must be something that he was hiding from me, some pain from his past that prevented him from having any attachment with another human being. I chided myself for being so insensitive just now. Instead of listening to him, I had acted like a spoiled brat and escaped. Thinking back, I should be grateful that he even allowed me into his personal space and spent the last three months slowly healing my broken soul. 

I loved him with all my heart and although he could not be fully mine, that was a fact that I had to live with. Nobody truly belongs to anyone. It was a cruel truth. Still, I would wish for the day that Levi opened up fully to me and maybe let me into his heart. In the meantime, I would settle for cherishing every day I spent with him.

Satisfied that I had made my resolution, I started making my way back to Levi’s place. It was only then that I realized how deserted the area was. Without noticing, my legs had brought me here of their own accord. I began walking faster but I could not shake off the feeling that someone was following me. I dared not glance back but quickened my pace instead.

_Maybe I should call the police, just in case…_

I took out my phone, ready to dial when I felt a piece of cloth clamped around my mouth. I could smell the sickly sweet odor of chloroform and although I tried not to inhale anymore of the liquid, it was already too late. My vision was blurring and the strength was seeping out of my body. The phone slipped out of my limp fingers but as it did, the touchpad was activated by the slight graze of my thumb… and it speed-dialed the only number I had programmed in….

* * *

**Levi’s POV:**

My heart broke when I saw (F/N) running out the door, hiding the tears in her eyes. These past three months were the happiest times of my life; spending everyday with her had slowly healed my heart and brought back the person I used to be. But I still kept her at an arm’s length to protect her. Somehow, even that backfired on me and my reluctance to enter a relationship had caused her despair, which was the last thing I ever wanted.

_What the hell was I supposed to do?_

As I ran my hand through my bangs in frustration, my phone rang and I leaped for it, hoping that it was (F/N). 

_Thank God, it is her._

“Hello, (F/N)?”

“…. Mmph…”

“Hello?” my heart tightened in my chest as I heard a grunt, something scraping the gravel, and finally the sound of somebody picking up the phone.

I could hear the sound of a deep and raspy breathing over the phone. It was not (F/N), which left only one possibility. I calmed myself down and took a deep breath before saying in a slow, deliberate, and menacing voice, “I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you’re looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let her go now, that will be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you.”

I continued, enunciating each word sharply, “But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and..”

“I will kill you,” my last three words carrying across my murderous intent.

 

“……………. Yo, Levi. It’s been too long.”


	11. Ghost Of The Past

“You!” Levi hissed into the phone, anger plain in his voice.

“What’s this? You should be happy,” the man laughed.  
“What have you done to (F/N)?” Levi demanded.

“Don’t worry. Nothing… yet. This time, I want to play a slow game – “  
“I don’t care about your games! Don’t you even think of touching her,” growled Levi.  
The man laughed sinisterly, “That depends on you, Levi. Let’s see how long it takes for you to find me again. For every hour that you’re not here, I’ll slice off a little flesh from your little girlfriend here. She won’t die, but if you’re not fast enough, she will.”

“Why you – “  
“See you soon, Levi.”

* * *

**Reader’s POV:**

My eyelids fluttered but did not open. My mind was still in a haze and the last thing I remembered was falling. 

_Oh right, someone was following me and then –_

My head jerked up and my eyes snapped wide open. Then, I realized that I was bound to a chair with my hands and legs handcuffed. I was in the center of a dark, empty room with a single dim light source from the lightbulb above me. Terror bubbled up inside me and I was about to scream for help when a voice broke the silence.

“Oh I won’t bother doing that. This place is deserted after all.”

I couldn’t see the source of the voice due to the dim light. Even though he was probably telling the truth, I had to try anyway.

“HELP! SOMEONE HELP ME!” I yelled at the top of my voice.

“Really, please believe me. There’s nobody around,” the mysterious man said in a cheerful tone that made him seem even more menacing.

“Why… are you doing this to me?” I asked hesitantly.  
“Hmm… are you close to Levi Ackerman?”  
I was stumped by the question. “Not exactly…” I replied slowly.  
“Well, seems like he’s pretty close to you. And let’s just say that I’m a person who’s invested in inducing as much pain in Levi.”

I took some time to digest the information and then carefully picked my next words, “So… something happened… between you and Levi?”

The man laughed contemptuously. “Yeah, you could say that. Levi was the one who put me behind bars and… I was the one who killed his beloved. So yes, there’s plenty of history between us.”

My eyes widened in shock. _He_ was the criminal who killed Petra. My insides boiled with rage as I thought of the pain that he had caused Levi. Then, it struck me that now I was being used to inflict more pain on him.

“You know, Levi’s tastes have changed,” the man’s voice interrupted my thoughts, “Petra was waay prettier and sexier than you. You…”

“…are just plain. I really don’t know what he sees in you.”

My anger got the better of me and I snarled, “Mind your own fucking business, you psychotic bastard.”

“Ahhh… You have the same fire though,” he chuckled. “But it doesn’t matter, by the time I’m done with you, any fire left would be extinguished. And then, Levi will finally understand what it means to mess with me.”

“You see, I thought I had fully broken Levi’s spirit… what with Petra. But that damn bastard still tracked me down and put my ass in jail. *And* he found happiness again. Life is just unfair,” the man spitted out the last word with venomous rage.

“What did you do to Petra?” I asked, my voice low and threatening.

He let out a mirthless laugh.  
“You really wanna know? I made her… my property,” he said in a knowing whisper.

“You….. filthy ANIMAL!!” I lunged towards the sound of his voice but was restrained by my handcuffs.  
“Oh don’t worry, your death is going to be different. It will be much slower.”

The man continued, “But you know what was even better? Petra’s dying words!”  
“She told Levi that she would never forgive him,” he said and burst out in fits of maniacal giggles.

I was shell-shocked.   
“… you’re lying..” I stated unconvincingly.  
“Now why would I lie about that? And I have to tell you, Levi’s expression was *priceless*!”  
“Damn you….” I said through clenched teeth, “I hope you rot in hell!”

“Well, enough with the chatting. It’s going to be the start of a new hour and I must keep my promise,” the man took on a serious tone and started walking towards me, the sound of his boots echoing in the desolate room.

I could now see his tall and slim silhouette and as he came closer, his features became clearer. He was a middle-aged man with short, coarse-looking dark hair and a thin beard along his jawline. His face adorned a slight smile and his two hands were twirling short blades.

Slowly, he bent down to my level and lifted my chin so that we were now at eye-level. I stared him straight in the eyes, refusing to show him any signs of weakness. He chuckled at my stubbornness.

“By tomorrow, you’ll be the greatest work of Kenny the Grim Reaper.”


	12. Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **(AU Note: For maximum effect, listen to[[this]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CwwEbrzXxvQ))**

_I’m sitting in a chair but there are no handcuffs on me. The room is strangely bright and comforting. But when I look down, I see snakes coiling around my legs. I try to move but my body refuses to even budge. Oddly, I feel no pain even though my legs have been completely encircled by them. The snakes make their way up my body and…_

I awoke to excruciating pain, both in body and in soul. The fresh cuts on my torso served as a reminder as to the events of yesterday’s torturous game. Every breath I took caused me agony and I started taking shallow gulps of air instead. Kenny was right, all the fight in me had been knocked out. Not because of what he did to me, but because of my knowledge of what was going to happen.  I had already accepted my fate, but before I died, there was something I had to do and I swore not to die before I accomplished it.

“Ah, you’re up. I’ve just finished rigging this place with explosives. Just in case your boyfriend manages to surprise me somehow. Although I highly doubt it,” Kenny chuckled.

“So regardless of whether he finds you, rest assured that you’ll still die,” he added with a smirk.

“I already know that,” I sighed in defeat.

Kenny glanced at me in slight surprise, “Hmph, didn’t take you long to give up. Oh well, there’s no more fun to be had with you then. Guess I’ll just wait for the main person to show his face.”

* * *

Almost an hour had passed now. Kenny and I had been silent the whole time; he was sharpening his knifes and I was just waiting for the end to arrive. Five minutes before the minute hand struck 12, Kenny suddenly stood up, his body tense and coiled like a viper ready to strike.

“He’s here,” he stated with a tinge of excitement in his voice.

I looked up as well, half expecting to see Levi stroll in through the door on my right. Seeing nobody in sight, I surmised that Kenny must have sensed rather than heard Levi enter the building. My heart hammered in my chest, causing my bruised ribs to protest in pain. The end was coming, and even though I had prepared myself for it, I was still afraid. Afraid of the impending jaws of death.

Kenny took his position behind me, making sure that my head blocked anyone from taking a clear shot at him. He held his knife to my throat and called out to Levi, “Come in. Don’t be shy.”

After a moment of painful silence, Levi stepped out from behind the wall, holding his gun at eye level. His face was devoid of expression but when he looked into my eyes, I caught a glimpse of sorrow in his eyes. Even when facing death, my heart still fluttered when I saw the man that I loved so dearly. But before I could say anything, Kenny pressed the knife closer, causing small rivulets of blood to drip down from the small cut across my throat.

“Nuh-uh. Drop the gun, Levi. And kick it over here.”  
Seeing Levi’s hesitation, Kenny inched the knife deeper, and I hissed in pain.  
“Tch,” Levi cursed under his breath and let the gun fall. He kept his eye on Kenny and kicked the gun over.

“That’s a good boy,” Kenny chuckled, “Levi… the knife in your boot too.”

Levi made to take out the knife.

“Slowly,” Kenny cautioned.

As Levi slowly removed the knife and held it out at arm’s length, Kenny snickered, “This scene is so familiar, isn’t it, Levi? Brings back wonderful memories. You really haven’t changed. Five years ago, you couldn’t save the woman you loved. Five years later, you *still* won’t be able to. You can’t protect anyone, you can’t bring them happiness.”

“You don’t deserve anyone,” Kenny taunted.

“No, Levi. That’s… not true,” I said shakily.  
Levi and Kenny turned to me in surprise.  
“You cured my illness…. you breathed life back into me. You were more than I could ever ask for,” I continued, my voice steadier as I found my courage.

“I don’t know why Petra told you that, but I believe she didn’t mean it in that way. I know… because I’m a woman… a woman who, like Petra, ….loves you.”  
Levi’s eyes widened in shock at my confession. But I wasn’t finished yet.

“And because I love you, I’m telling you to leave me here. I’ve seen my fate… and that is death,” I said with a forlorn smile on my face.  
“Why you – Shut up, bitch!” Kenny turned to me in disgust.

Without a moment’s hesitation, Levi scooped up the knife on the floor and lunged towards Kenny. Kenny was caught off-guard for a split second but immediately recovered. His hand left my throat in an attempt to fend off Levi’s attack and I seized the opportunity to sink my teeth deep into his flesh as the movement brought his hand close to my mouth.

Kenny hissed in pain and used his other hand to whack me on the head. I winced and let go of his hand. However, I had managed to buy enough time for Levi to come smashing down on Kenny’s tall frame. The two of them tumbled to the ground, both wrestling for domination. After a brief struggle, Levi managed to gain the upper hand and immediately sunk the knife deep into Kenny’s chest. Kenny gasped in shock and looked up at Levi, still unable to comprehend what had just happened.

“Go back to Hell,” Levi spat at Kenny.

When Kenny’s eyes finally closed, Levi turned to me and fished a key out from his pocket. 

“Levi..” I started.  
“It’s ok, (F/N). Everything’s going to be fine now,” Levi said reassuringly while he unlocked my handcuffs.  
I sighed in relief and glanced at the prone form of Kenny the Grim Reaper. Then, my eyes slowly dilated as I saw Kenny reach into his jacket and…

“LEVI! BOMB!” I shouted in terror.

Levi reacted almost instantly. Freeing me from the last handcuff around my legs, and pulling me up to my feet, we ran as fast as we could away from the room. Meanwhile, Kenny used his last strength to push the button on the remote control, triggering the explosives located in the building, and in his final breath, whispered, “See you guys in Hell.”

All around us, the explosives went off in quick succession. The heat and force of each blast were getting closer and I knew it would only be a matter of time before we would get hit by the wave of destruction. Finally, we closed in on the staircase just as a roof beam came crashing down. All it took was one more leap and we would be clear – 

“Levi!” I yelled in horror as the beam fell right onto Levi’s left shoulder, crushing him under the weight just as the floor caved in due to the explosions. I was safely on the threshold of the stairs and as Levi fell, I managed to catch hold of his right hand, his weight almost pulling me over the edge of the newly created chasm.

I held tightly onto Levi’s hand with my other hand clutching the wall, trying desperately to keep myself planted on the surface of the floor. My muscles ached under the immense strain and my whole body was screaming in agony, but I wasn’t going to let go.

“(F/N).”  
“Don’t worry, Levi. We can… make it. Just… hold on. Give me your other – “  
“It’s no use. The left part of my body is already crushed.”  
I looked down and was horrified to see the condition of his body. His left arm was hanging limp by his side and bleeding profusely. But I refused to believe his words.

“Alright. I’ll pull you up then,” I said as I tried lifting him up but I only succeeded in tipping my balance further. I let out a cry as I nearly toppled over the edge. 

Without my knowledge, tears started leaking out of my eyes and landing on Levi’s face.  
“I can.. do… this,” I exerted.

“Stop it, (F/N).”  
“Wh… why? It was supposed to be me dying, not you! My dream can’t be wrong… no.. “ I sobbed.  
“I told you, right? Your fate is decided not only by you. I changed your fate, and… you changed mine,” Levi smiled up at me.  
“No…no no… Levi, you can’t leave me. Not now… not after all that we’ve gone through.”  
“I always believed that I could never make anyone happy. So… (F/N)… I’m glad I was able to do that for you.”

I could no longer talk, sobs wracking through my body as my grip on his hand loosened against my will. 

“I love you, (F/N).”

The hand that had caressed my face and touched my soul so deeply slipped away, disappearing into the abyss, taking with it the one person that I had given my heart and soul to.

 

_“LEVI!!!!”_


	13. Eternity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **(AU Note: For maximum effect, listen to[this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2t5JbPU1Vy4))**

_Levi and I were sitting on a bench in the park. All was quiet, with only birds chirping and the sound of a light breeze gently coaxing the grass into undulating wave motions. We didn’t speak but it was as if our souls were harmonizing, creating a beautiful tune. Our hands were intertwined and my head rested on Levi’s shoulder. Soon, as always, Levi got up and started walking towards the forest that appeared._

_“Can’t you stay?” I asked Levi.  
Levi turned and smiled, before disappearing into the forest… again._

I awoke to the sound of my alarm clock ringing. I rubbed my eyes, and tried to fall back to sleep, but as usual, I couldn’t. The spot beside me was empty and I felt a deep sinking feeling yet again.

**I went to bed I was thinking about you  
Ain't the same since I'm living without you**

Pushing myself out of bed, I got ready for work in a methodical, almost robotic fashion. I made myself a cup of hot tea and while drinking it, I looked at the surface of the swirling liquid, trying to imagine how Levi looked when he drank tea in that unusual manner of his. But somehow, the details were getting vague.

**All the memories are getting colder  
All the things that I wanna do over**

I found it laughable. I couldn’t remember these things during the day, yet at night, everything became crystal clear.

**When I see you in my dreams at night  
It's so real but it's in my mind**

I never wanted to wake up but my body instinctively would bring me out of that perfect dream due to some surrounding sounds.

**Don't wake me  
** 'Cause I don't wanna leave this dream  
Don't wake me  
'Cause I never seem to stay asleep enough  
When it's you I'm dreaming of  
I don't wanna wake up 

Finally, I got dressed and left for work. Just another meaningless day in my life.

* * *

Both Annie and Jean had noticed the change in me and although they had tried to ask me about it, I only gave them vague answers. Eventually, they gave up but every chance they got, they would do small little things for me, like bringing me coffee or fetching some documents. I appreciated it but there was really nothing they could do that would bring my spirit back. 

“(F/N),” Annie’s voice brought me back to reality.  
“Oh… sorry Annie. Were you saying something?”  
“…. It’s been a month.”  
I looked at her, puzzled by her words. “A month since..?”  
“Since I last saw you… alive.”  
“What – “  
“I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing to follow the flow… to follow your heart. If that’s what makes you feel happy and… alive,” Annie looked at me with an expression of mutual understanding.

“Even if… I throw away… what’s precious?” I asked slowly.  
Annie deepened her gaze, “Only if you think the sacrifice is worth it.”

I looked at her and then back at my screen. Finally, I made my decision. Slowly, I got up from my chair and embraced Annie tightly.  
“Thank you, Annie…. For everything.”

Wordlessly, I ran out of the office, leaving a speechless Annie.

* * *

The rest of my day was spent on refurbishing my home. I hummed softly while reminiscing the times that I spent with Levi, how I had met him, my first impression of the rude and incredibly blunt psychologist. I chuckled to myself as I recalled how irritated I was when he asked me those personal questions.

**And how it felt when I finally found you  
It's like a movie playing over in my head**

I remembered our first date, our first “accidental” kiss, his surprise birthday party for me that did not go as planned. Then, my mind conjured up our final moments..

**Don't wanna look 'cause I know how it ends**

..and I had to blink back tears as I recalled Levi’s peaceful expression and his last words to me.

**All the words that I said that I wouldn't say  
** All the promises I made that I wouldn't break  
It's last call, last song, last dance  
'Cause I can't get you back, can't get a second chance 

“This time, Levi, I’m making my own fate,” I whispered resolutely.

My preparations were done and I dusted my hands off with a satisfactory look on my face. With this, the entire apartment was now sound proof. Now all that was left were the final touches. I leafed through the CDs on the rack and finally found the one that I was looking for, Secret Garden’s album. It was their songs that Levi used to help me improve the quality of my sleep. 

I slipped it into the CD player and thumbed the forward button until I reached the song that I needed. Once “Sleepsong” was playing, I laid back on the sofa…

**Nothing to do but keep sleeping longer**

…and closed my eyes, a small smile forming on my lips.

_I’m coming with you, Levi._

**Don't wanna stop cause I want you back**

_The forest opened up, and I saw Levi waiting for me, a smile adorning his face. He stretched out his hand, and I gladly took it. Slowly, we walked into the forest…_

_… while the notes of the song played on… for eternity._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks goes to all the great folks who've been reading this series and supporting me in one way or another! I love reading your feedback and deeply appreciate them. It's been a great journey and I hope you've enjoyed this series as much as I've enjoyed writing it! XD
> 
> With that said, my SECOND LevixReader series Persona Of Levi will be coming out tomorrow! I've written a trailer for it so do check it out! :D


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